Love and romance: Who comes first?

By Claire Houston
NH Mirror Contributor

A person’s desire for love and romance can sometimes cloud their thinking. As humans, we are by nature social creatures.

Women, in particular, are relationship-centered. We make sense of our worlds, order our worlds, set our priorities and weigh many choices based on the important relationships in our world. As such, we can get thrown off balance when a love relationship with a significant other is absent.

Realistically, each person has to occupy the central spot in their universe. Your universe must find its center with you. There’s no other logical place it could be.

Then, if your draw concentric circles around you, other people and relationships occupy close or far positions in proximity to you, in the center.

If you vacate the center, and put your children, spouse or some valiant cause in the center, you are throwing the balance of your universe off. Where would an atom be if it vacated its nucleus?

In truth, just as each of us needs to occupy the center space of our universe, we also need to put ourselves first on the list.

You can’t serve water from an empty pitcher. The airline personnel tell you that if the oxygen masks are deployed, whose face do you put it on first? Yourself! You can’t help anyone else if you’re passed out.

A healthy mindset is to take care of yourself first (in your center), then turn to the next ring out in the concentric circle around you, and see what’s to be done there.

When love and romance are on the horizon, these healthy priorities can get skewed.

If a woman puts her new love interest in the center of her universe, friendships might get neglected, family connections could be let go, even self-care maintenance that helps keep sanity can be abandoned, and replaced with their lover’s preferences.

Commit to your primary relationship front and center: Your relationship with you. Cultivate and nourish that relationship first, and the other relationships in your life will all be healthier as a natural result.

Claire Houston of Exeter is a licensed psychotherapist. She can be reached at 772-0799. She is also the director of the Women Supporting Women Center. For more information, visit www.wswcenter.com.