Experience breeds wisdom:

When it comes to parenting advice, you want it to come from someone who’s already been there, done that … many times. Meet Marnie Wells.

Marnie has lived the past 36 years in Salem, where she has given birth to and raised 12 children – six boys and six girls who range in age from 15 to 33. Now with only two children at home, she has opened her house as a respitefor women called Gilead’s Balm. Marnie began writing parenting articles as a tool to help young moms.

More of her articles can be read on her Web site at www.comeinandrest.com.

You want to wear WHAT?

By Marnie Wells
NH Mirror Contributor

I was in the dressing room at Marshalls over the summer when I heard a mom ask if her daughter (I’m guessing between ages 10 to 12) was through trying on the clothes. Her daughter said she had found a bathing suit and had her mom check it out. Her mom said, “No, that’s not good.”

“Mooooommmmm I love it, I want it … “

“You look way too fat in it. It’s not good.”

“Mom you’re so mean. I want it!”

“OK, but don’t complain to me about it later.”

Are you able to talk to your teens or preteens about their clothes? Or anything for that matter?

You need to practice communicating with your children way before the teen years to have any success doing it in later years.

While shopping with one of my daughters for a bathing suit one summer, I made it clear that we were not going to buy a bikini or anything that remotely resembled one. This did not surprise her.

She did make the comment that there would probably not be anything to pick from, to which I replied, ”Well, if you can’t find one that I approve of, we will simply not be buying a bathing suit today.”

Go and sit outside the high school or mall someday and look at what the kids are wearing. Clothes are tight, short, revealing, ragged, dirty or pajamas. Now I do believe that there needs to be some leeway for kids to express themselves, but I have not left my daughters to guess what I think is appropriate.

There will not be any midriff showing. Pants will not be too tight. No cleavage. Not too short.

This is not just a “mom” demand, as the issue has been talked about in a dialogue so that we both understand each other.

Start now.

The young girl I spoke of earlier paraded a chubby body in a little bathing suit that did not fit or flatter her and no one took the time to stand firm. What happens in a few years when she is now flaunting a grown-up body?

Talk to your kids about things – clothes, dating, health habits (cleanliness), friends, smoking, etc. Start young and build on it using examples that you will run into along the way.

• “Did you just notice how that girl talked to her mom?”

• “What do you think of that girl’s outfit?”

• “See those young kids smoking in the corner – what do you think about that?”

• “Have you ever noticed that she is never without a boyfriend and it’s a different one each week?”

• “Did you hear that guy just scream at his kids? Hmmm, what do you think happened?”

• “Don’t you think he should have held the door for that woman behind him?”

Use life to your advantage and talk to your kids. Start young – they may have more to say than you can imagine.