Keeping the connection

Love of the written word helps one mom build a special bond with her daughter. By PAM RUTH

I had a fear, probably like other parents out there, that I would lose the connection with my children as they grew up. Vignettes of depression-inducing films such as “Ordinary People” flashed through my head, and the encroaching lump in my throat threatened to strangle my mother voice.

It is always with bemused wonder that I watch my pieces of me run around doing their own thing. How strange my children are! They enjoy foods that I can’t stand. They’re good at things I could only dream of doing. They have odd, funny perspectives on life that come from their own minds. They are their own people, and that entrances me and knocks the air out of my sails in one fell swoop.

My daughter and I share a robust joy of reading, and though I find little time to partake, she can be quite antisocial when a riveting book has come into her life. Woe to the man who seeks her attention, as he will soon learn that he’s easily replaced by the hard-edged contours of a book.

As I watched her plow through books faster than the laundry got done and listened to her describe a story line, a character or a situation, it occurred to me that we should be sharing this mutual pleasure. Especially since her approaching teen years would surely emphasize how much we didn’t agree or like about each other.

Thus began our mother-daughter book group. It started when my daughter had just turned 10 years old. At 17, she and the group were still going strong. Oh sure, it became more challenging to find times when we could all meet. Visitation, soccer, drama and work always seemed to rear their conflicting heads. But we allowed ourselves to be flexible and open to various days and times, which created not only another meeting opportunity, but continued friendship amongst 10 very different people.

We set few rules at our inception, and most of what we set was agreeably not written in stone. We decided to limit our group to five mother-daughter pairs so the meetings could be comfortably held at our homes. The girls invited to participate all shared a common interest in reading, though some didn’t even know each other before our group was formed.

We had our first meeting three weeks after the girls began the fifth grade. Seven years later, with more than 60 books read together, we had our last “official” meeting just a few short weeks before the girls graduated from high school last year. All were leaving for college out of state in the fall, and the significance of our experience began to set in as we quietly began to wind down.

Different schools, different hobbies, different personalities still… seven years later. The emotions we share are lifelong; friendship, respect and love. We all believe wholeheartedly in the power of the written word and the sense of community derived from sharing a reading experience.

I think each one of us will carry this forward with the confidence a past positive adventure encourages. Our little book group has been one of my life’s most joyful experiments but, like a well-written story, there are always future chapters to be imagined.

Pam Ruth lives in Manchester. This is her second piece for the NH Mirror.