The feminine mistake

By Gina Angostura
NH Mirror Staff

If June Cleaver were alive today, she’d probably be doing time for choking Ward to death with those pearls she always wore. They didn’t call her “cleaver” for nothing.

Think that’s a little harsh? Well, I’m sorry, but that’s how I get when I read some dopey guy’s opinion that women aren’t as feminine as they used to be. Apparently he longs for the days when a woman cleaned, cooked, shopped and showered in heels and stockings and still was ready to braise his brisket as soon as he walked in the door after a long day at the insurance office.

I hate to burst his bubble, but that ’50s fantasy is a thing of the past. Jeans and sneakers are here to stay. You know why? Because they’re comfortable. And every woman I know prefers comfort over “feminine.” I happen to think that femininity has more to do with attitude then outward appearances, but then, I’m a woman.

A university study (OK, it was a Canadian university, but still) showed that appearance is the main thing influencing whether a man thinks a woman is attractive. Surprise!

Well, what it was actually testing was whether a sense of humor is important to men and women when choosing a mate.

Apparently they showed women a bunch of photos of men, a few of which had some funny quote they’d supposedly said printed under them. Women consistently rated the funny guys as attractive. But that didn’t happen when they tested the men. They rated attractiveness completely on looks.

So what does it all mean? It means that men don’t care if a woman is funny. Or that they’re shallow. Or, more likely, that they’re not listening to a thing we say.

I think that’s why I can’t find the kind of guy I want. I adore funny; it’s my favorite thing. I can forgive men their motorheadedness or the space in their brain taken up by Red Sox stats if they crack me up.

But men don’t reciprocate. You’re funny? Who cares, tell me your bra size or rate yourself from one to 10 on how much you look like Angelina Jolie.

So I’m a little depressed. My only asset is being ignored by the majority of the male population. Plus, I don’t wear heels because they make my feet hurt. I want to be attractive to men, I really do, but I just can’t seem to shove my feet into $100 torture devices designed by men to make my legs look hot.

The guy who laments the way women have changed – I know that guy. He’s the 50-year-old who sits around with his beer balanced on his stomach, but still lists 25-35 as his preferred age range for women he wants to date.

I challenge him to vacuum in heels and see how it feels. And after he does that, and the laundry and the dishes, I challenge him not to have a headache when it’s time for bed.

Does your misery love company? Send Gina an e-mail at singlecynic@thenhmirror.com.